I love my best friend because she let's me talk to her until I fall asleep(meaning I end up not talking and she's holding the phone while doing her work and she says I sound like a big animal resting peacefully HELLOO WHY BIG ANIMAL?), she allows me has no choice but to listen to me sing disney like songs, pretends to be the animal when I force her to(hence having to sing and chirp at the animal parts of the disney song) and share the same kind of thoughts about same kind of things.

and last night she read my previous entry and went WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU! YOU ARE TURNING INTO A JACINTA

i guess it's a little true when they say best friends become one another. So funny because it just seems like she became more jamie("sometimes i sit and eat alone, quite loser") and I became more jacinta("sometimes I don't see the need to eat with someone")

BEST FRIENDS FOREVERRRR

okay i think michael is the only one who actually reads this blog (i didn't even think anyone else does) haha. anyway, just because you(Michael) requested it, here a bit of update. haha okay no la its about time i take noteof things happening before i forget them in time to come. SO THIS IS A WARNING THAT ITS GOING TO BE A LONG AND COMPLAIN-EY POST.

Time passes awfully quickly, before you know it, midterm is already here(meaning its my one week break this week, but of course theres lots to be done as usual). I had my business law midterms yesterday and I think I've forgotten how to organise any essay-like things, and when I write random points just come out so I probably need to re-learn how to do proper essay plans haha i am so reminded of gp, which reminds me of ms lim whom I haven't seen in ages and I think I want to date her for naan sometime soon.

Yesterday I also had some sort of a frisbee competition, the Pacey Fu Cup, which is actually just this intra smu frisbee competition, whereby the various yrs of frisbee members have friendly matches against each other. Our year 1 team won the year 3s and year 4s (actually I think it was by subs, cos they weren't so fit anymore and had little people, whereas we had 22 people for 7 people on the pitch at once haha). This competition is actually to commemorate this smu student call Fu something something(I can't remb), who collapsed and passed away while playing frisbee some years back. I think its a little bit scary that things like that happen, but i also marvel at the people who are really passionate about their game and really go all out to want to win and stuff like that. Embarrassingly, I don't have such feelings, and one thing is that I'm really afraid of competitions cos they really stress me out. I think there are moments when I do want to win and do something for the team, but most of the time I'm just very scared to get scolded and to disappoint them (fear of dropping the disc, fear of not knowing when to make proper cuts). It's something that's been stuck with me since always, even when I was in touchrug. I honestly think that the only sport that's the least stressful to me would be running because the only thing that you can do is keep your legs moving and not give up and there's less things to worry about. I think it's this natural inferior complex thing, when I always assume that I can't do sports. I am terrible at catching things(any kind of ball sport), or hitting things(racket games). And yes, I think it's very true that I join the sports that I did because of friends. Back in jc i think it was for adrea, and now in smu it's kinda for liting. But of course I grow to love the people in the team too because no matter how shitty you are at the game, they'll still try to encourage you and will still be nice off the pitch haha. Some people are born with the natural flair for sports, and sometimes I wished I was like that too. It's wonderful to be passionate about something.

School has been fine apart from that, but I think I've grown to become an increasingly unpleasant person. Somehow I think my ego has grown like nothing and has gotten the better of me. I seem to want to get my way in many things (perhaps in project discussions, or just getting people to agree with my taste). Whenever it happens, I just can't seem to help it but keep insisting on my way and I know I sometimes flare up or show displeasure towards some people. I do feel very bad when i go home and reflect upon it, like I REALLY FEEL BAD but somehow something seems to be wrong with me and i can't control myself properly anymore :( i hate it i hate it i hate it. I am resolving to be more patient with people, and to try to avoid being so domineering and imposing my ideas on people. Its sad when I seemed to be able to work with people in the past but now it's not easy to work with the same people now.Sorry kailing:( STOP BEING SO DOMINEERING JAMIE YOU'RE SUCH A BITCH SOMETIMES.

okay, and I am resolving to stop gossiping, or at least cut down. Because some things are just none of my business but I keep liking to find out about them. What a busybody! haha at this rate I'll never be able to get married la.

Enough of ranting for now. I need to show appreciation to the friends I have around me, especially cin, whose msn window is always there when I need to relieve the $%#@!> inside me, and whose house always welcomes me when I need to get out of my own. And liting who also tries to comfort me and make me feel better when I feel shitty about things. And kailing, whom I've neglected for quite long (and sometimes get angry at cos of stupid things like work) but who never turns me down when I need her help to figure out difficult and confusing law stuff. Somedays I don't know why I deserve any of this.

Another difficult thing is how I keep trying to resist to change, and prefer to stick the friends Iused to have, instead of being willing to make new ones. I keep thinking that it's like just socialising and making many many new friends just because people like to know many people. I didn't like that idea, but it's really silly because now, I realise that I don't really have any new friends when I should.(Because people going into new environments should adapt and makenew friends and stuff)

JAMIE YOU APPEAR REALLY MESSED UP(a little), so please try harder in life!
alright, enough. So longg!

Watching a fairytale never fails to make me smile :D
(no matter how tired or disillusioned i originally was)

Enchanted! A little late I know, but I think it's such a happy and lovely show! Not too much of an exciting plot, but really makes me feel good and remember the little girl I am, still awaiting true love's kiss.

wheeee